Dan/ Peter,
Attached are my comments/redline edits of the first draft.
Overall, all I can say is ‘WOW!’, great improvement articulating accomplishments over previous versions.
First, my comments are mainly to generate dialogue for my own education and not criticism.
I’m trying to gain an understanding why you chose certain phrases/titles. Our ultimate goal is to land and interview.
Secondly, I see numbers where normally I’d see them written out, is this due to space constraint? Or is that ‘accepted practice?’ Again, I’m trying to educate myself.
Otherwise, a few minor corrections and I think we are there.
Thank you for the great work and I look forward to your responses.
